From the
annals of the National Liar
V1#1,
October 31, 1994
Nobel
Peace Prize Abolished
Stockholm,
Sweden – The Nobel Peace Prize committee has unanimously agreed to award no
more Peace Prizes, on the grounds that the Peace Prize is a threat to world
peace.
“It’s a
consistent pattern,” said one prominent committee member. “Every time we award
a Peace Prize, war breaks out. It seems that politicians stay on their best
behavior until we, in effect, give them the go-ahead.”
“It’s
not too surprising, given the quality of the recipients. We’ve awarded many
more Peace Prizes to terrorists than to saints. Consider for instance Arafat;
or for that matter Kissinger. Three months after his Peace Prize, Nixon bombed Hanoi for Christmas.”
“It’s
true that Mother Teresa didn’t go on a killing spree after getting her Peace Prize, but then again she
didn’t have a history of mass murder, unlike most of the other Peace Prize
recipients. So it is possible to get
a Peace Prize without getting corrupted, but only if you have the spiritual
fortitude of a saint.”
“Let’s
face facts; Nobel founded the Peace Prize because he was guilt-stricken over
inventing dynamite. He thought it would end war; then he thought his Peace
Prize would end war. Poor fool! In effect, the Peace Prize was founded by a mad bomber; it has usually gone to mad bombers; and has been usually
followed with mad bombing.
“The
road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So to Hell with the Peace Prize!
Sheer double-think, that name; really it’s a War Prize.”
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