Mythical Correctness, an Underfable

          Mythical Correctness

          Once upon a time, a Troll and a Knight In Shining Armor contended over the politesse-correctness of the verb, “to elfsplain”.

          The Troll argued, “ ‘Elfsplain’ is a racist insult. It’s true that plenty of Elves are condescending, self-righteous and clueless; but not all of them; therefore ‘elfsplain’ is an essentialist canard.”

          Sir Dudebro, Knight of the Shining Armor, retorted, “Stupid Troll uses big words to seem smart, is pseudointellectual, still a Troll.”

          Then Mo, the mighty Warrior-Queen of the Essjays, descended from Heaven on wings of Art. She decreed, “Desist from strife, my pets! For you, O Troll, are like unto the Cat, who expresses affection by bites and scratches; whereas you, Sir Dudebro, resemble the Dog, who slobbers on faces and humps legs!”

          Sir Dudebro said, “My liege! Behold a local monument: the Pedestal of Feminine Superiority! I pray that you mount it, so that I may grovel at your feet!”

          “You’d better not, ma’am,” the Troll remarked, “for then he’d peek up your dress. That’s what that Pedestal is for.”

          “You both prove my point,” said wise Queen Mo. “And as for your ‘elfsplain’ quarrel; to you, O bold and handsome Knight, I give this brazen laurel wreath, for you have won the fight; and to you, O sage and cynical Troll, I give only my assent, for you have won the argument.” The Warrior-Queen of the Essjays then ascended back to Heaven.

          Sir Dudebro and the Troll high-fived each other; for She had satisfied both their desires.

          Moral: Give people what they really want.